Writing Characters Questioning their Gender

Gender is a social construct, but it still plays a huge role in our lives.

These are more things I did when I was questioning my gender:

• Realize that cis people do feel happy about the body they were born in and wouldn’t want to appear like the opposite gender

• Realize that gender is fluid: one day you might feel more masc, others more fem, other you’d just want to be perceived as androgynous

• Try different clothes to see how you feel as being perceived differently

• Experiment with hairstyles, nail polish, make up, wigs, etc.

• Look up videos/posts of people who aren’t cisgender

• Listen to creators talking about their process and experience of being trans/non-binary

• Realize how you feel about your body. Do you feel like you’d like to appear differently? Would you feel happier if your body was different, gender-wise? Do you ever feel discomfort when people call you “miss”,”mister”,”lady”,”sir”, or when they assume your pronouns?

• Realize what role you’d like to have in a relationship and how you’d like your partner to see/call you. (E.g.: do you feel euphoric when a person calls you “my boyfriend” over “my girlfriend”?)

• Do you feel better when people call you with a different name and pronouns?

• Do you see yourself change your posture, mannerisms, and attitude around people to look and sound more like your assigned gender when you’d feel more comfortable/yourself in a different way? (E.g.: I’d make my voice higher and act more fem to fit the cishet girl standard even if I’m not cis, I’m not het, and I’m not a girl)

• Look up flags and identities again, take quizzes, etc. Research about your gender identity

• Experiment with pronouns and new names (like order to Starbucks with that name, make a supportive friend use it when calling you, call yourself with that name, imagine strangers think about you with different pronouns)

• Research about medically transitioning if you want to do it, how you’d feel about it, etc.

• Come out to people only if you’re safe and you trust them with that information (tell them not to out you)