How to React to Coming Outs

I've made a quick post about How Not to React to Coming Outs, but as one of my followers pointed out, I didn’t say how you SHOULD react to them!

For writers and for real life :)

So, here it is!

Remember that this is not a comprehensive guide and that some of these things might still not feel right with the person that’s coming out to you. Generally, though, being nice and accepting will work :)

These are taken from my experience, my friends’, and the people I follow on social media’s.

Coming out as gay/lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/asexual/aromantic:

“I’m really happy you trusted me with this!”

“I’m so proud of you for finally finding out this important part of your identity!”

“Thank you for telling me. It’s obvious, but remember that nothing will change between us!”

If you think you’re still a little uncomfortable with LGBTQ things, tell them. They’ll help you with your doubts and might be ready to explain some things that you can’t see from their point of view

“That’s great!”

“I’m a safe space, you can always be sure you can speak to me about everything LGBTQ!”

Now that you’ve made them feel safe with you, you might want to know other important things.

Keep in mind that you should never out someone, meaning that it should be the person themselves to come out to people. It’s vital that they don’t come out to people that might put them in a dangerous situation if they knew they were LGBTQ.

So, you might want to ask:

“Who are the people who know? If someone asks me if you’re LGBTQ, can I say it?”

Coming out as non-binary:

“I’m so proud of you for finally finding out this important part of your identity!”

“Thank you for telling me. It’s obvious, but remember that nothing will change between us!”

“Awesome! What pronouns should I use when referring to you?”

“What kind of compliments do you like?” → some enby people don’t like feminine or masculine or gender neutral compliments, so if you ask them you’ll know how to make them feel better. Personally, I feel dysphoric when people tell me I’m pretty because it makes me feel like something I’m not.

“What kind of titles can I use?” → sometimes people like to joke calling people “queen”, “king”, etc. I personally don’t like when people call me queen (always because of dysphoria) and adore gender neutral titles like “commander”, “captain”, “comrade”, etc! Be creative!

Here’s a little wholesome list of gender neutral compliments about appearance:

• I like your [insert piece of clothing]!

• Your makeup is amazing!

• Your confidence is peaking!

• I love this outfit!

• You look really good!

• Your hair is gorgeous today!

• I like your style!

Some gender neutral titles:

• Comrade

• Commander

• Ruler

• Captain

• Sergeant

• Lieutenant

• Boss

• Professor

• Deity

• Doctor

• Mx (gender-neutral alternative to Miss, Mrs, Mr. Pronounced as “mex” or “mix”)

• Ind (for Individual)

Now that you know about how to make them feel safe and empowered, here’s some things they might feel great answering (all personal!):

“Can I ask you how you discovered this about yourself?”

“Can I ask how it feels to be non-binary?” → I like these questions because most of non-binary phobia happens because people don’t really understand that we do exist! Maybe with a little of communication like this we can solve this problem or make it easier for enby people.

“What kind of gifts would you like to receive that will make you feel great and not dysphoric?” → if you’re good friends with this person and you’ll want to attend their birthday party or you regularly exchange gifts for other reasons (for Christmas, etc), you could ask them to avoid buying them clothes that will make them feel dysphoric, or other things. If they live in a household where they’re not accepted as non-binary, you might want to help them get a binder, a packer, or other things that might help with their dysphoria.

“Who should I use your real name and pronouns with?” → again, you’ll want to ask this to avoid outing them. Maybe their family/coworkers/professors/fellow students aren’t accepting of them, and if they trusted you with that, you shouldn’t out them.

Coming out as transgender:

“Thank you so much for trusting me with this! What name and pronouns should I use to refer to you?”

“Awesome! I’ll do my best to use your correct name and pronouns, so please do correct me if I use them wrong.” → but put all you have to adapt quickly! Calling them their wrong name and pronouns is just as weird and bad as calling cishet, he/him Jim a she/her Jane.

“Who should I correct if they don’t respect your name and pronouns?” → I know you’ll think Well, everyone? but sometimes if you’re around people who might put your trans friend in danger you shouldn’t point it out. Safety comes before anything.

“Who are the people you're out to and with whom I should use your correct name and pronouns with? → always for the sake of not outing people!

“If someone asks me if you’re trans, can I say it?”

“What can I do/buy/say to help with your dysphoria?”

“I’m so proud of you for finally finding out this important part of your identity!”

“Thank you for telling me. It’s obvious, but remember that nothing will change between us!”

Note that you shouldn't use their deadname with them anymore! With "real name" I mean the name they chose to use after they came out as non-binary and/or trans.

This is all I could think about for now!

If want to add something to the list, do so in the comments! I’ll be happy to add it :)